I am a terrible salesman. I bombed out of telemarketing jobs in high school, could not move a single chocolate bar for band fundraisers, and always had a huge pile of unsold Scout-O-Rama tickets every year. Alec Baldwin’s character in Glengarry Glen Ross would probably have me taken out back and shot.

If you’re reading this site, you’re probably already a fan of the adventures of Cade and Barrows, and you’ve probably already bought RED, WHITE, AND BLOOD –  now available in the UK as well. If not, I’m not going to try to convince you. (I think you’d enjoy it. Of course, I would say that.)

But if you’re here, and you are looking for something to read, I can offer you some other suggestions as well. Some of these people are friends of mine. Others I just admire. Either way, I get nothing but warm feelings from these recommendations, so you can be sure I’m not pushing them on you out of any kind of profit motive.

OVERSEAS by my friend Beatriz Chantrill Williams, on sale now. Time travel and romance and Wall Street, with plenty of war for the guys. You should pick this up before the inevitable movie with Brad and Angelina. Then you can say you were ahead of the curve.

THE GONE-AWAY WORLD by Nick Harkaway. It took me a long time to get to this one, and now I’m feeling like an idiot for stalling. It’s a remarkable book. I honestly considered reading it to people on my book tour instead of my own work.

WYNONNA EARP: THE YETI WARS by my pal Beau Smith. If you’ve already read my work, you’ll know why I love this graphic novel. It’s got Bigfoots vs. Yetis, the paranormal crimes division of the Marshals Service, and vampires, all mixed up in a blender of violence and humor.

LIMINAL STATES by Zack Parsons. Another wholly remarkable book, which spans decades and genres as it tells the story of two men in the Old West who discover a way to live forever, and the hate that binds them, and the terrible price they impose on the world for their existence.

THE APOCALYPSE CODEX by Charles Stross. Really, everything by Stross is worth reading. He’s an incredibly smart writer who has the gift of seeing his fictional worlds all the way to the end of the tunnel, no matter what’s coming from the other side. But this is another one of the Laundry Files novels, and as such, I’ve pre-ordered it without so much as a peek inside. Imagine saving the world from the Forces of Darkness were up to a bunch of overworked and underpaid bureaucrats, who are forced to deal with mind-eating terror but also get their expense reports done on time. It’s funny and dark and amazing.

CHEW by John Layman and Rob Guillory. My current favorite comic book out there, in convenient bite-sized package form. I’ve sung the praises of this before, but it just keeps getting better. Briefly, Tony Chu is a cibopath — someone who gets psychic impressions from whatever he eats. And he’s also a federal agent thrust into one disgusting, insane, and deadly situation after the next, where often the only answer is to be found by taking a bite of something really awful. Start at the beginning. You won’t regret it.

Here’s a bit of self-promotion to end the week:

Someone has started a Tumblr called “Fuck Yeah Nathaniel Cade.” I love this more than words can say.

New review from the Tattered Cover bookstore.

New preview from Vampire Librarian.

Many thanks to my friend, William Heisel, for the shout-out on his blog, which is usually reserved for far more serious matters.

And for everyone who asked, the Audible.com version of the book is now ready for download. Enjoy.

I didn’t like the 70s when I went through them the first time. True, I was only eight years old when they ended, but even then, I remember thinking on New Year’s Eve 1980, “Well, thank God that’s over.”

Part of it may have been my parents’ marriage starting to flatline. Or it might have been the dawning realization on the part of all Americans that the trajectory of the nation was no longer headed inevitably upward, that the flight-path toward American moon colonies and endless prosperity was running smack into the concrete walls of Watergate, the Oil Embargo and the Iran Hostage Crisis.

The 80s, by way of contrast, were a neon-colored, electronic synth, New Wave, Cold War Morning in America, with MTV and Japanese cartoons and movies that catered primarily to teenage boys, which was fortunate for me, since I was one. It was possible to be simultaneously frightened of the end of the world and still have an excellent time waiting for the nuclear holocaust.

Now the 70s are back, only bigger and meaner. We have a brand-new Me Generation, we’ve got skyrocketing gas prices, and we’ve got a housing crash and a recession, and a president looking at a possible war with Iran. Judging by fashion and hairstyles and music, it’s 1977 all over again. (Seriously, listen to this and tell me that’s not disco.)

This is why it’s a little baffling to me that I’m looking back on the 70s with ever-increasing fondness. Part of this is just the corrosive effect of megadoses of nostalgia. It’s worse than battery acid in the eyes if you want to see clearly. I don’t miss the ungodly amount of polyester everyone was wearing, or with the feathered hair or the faux-Afro perms.

But I got a couple books recently that reminded me of what I do miss: the insane possibility of that time, the blind, throw-a-dart-while-blindfolded-see-what-it-hits style that permeated so much of the pop culture that I remember.

For instance, these were the Slurpee cups Marvel offered people one hot summer in the 70s. Yes, that is Stan Lee in a cape and tights. Because, honestly, why the hell not?

Nobody in the 70s seemed to have any idea what would actually work in the marketplace any more, so any number of completely batshit ideas made their way into the lives of millions of impressionable kids — and I’m grateful. I try to envision pitching some of the shows I watched as a kid to a network today (outside of Adult Swim) and it always ends with someone calling security.

For instance, a show where a dad and his kids go through a magic waterfall and end up being hunted by lizard-men and dinosaurs who want to eat them. A guy with magic powers runs a resort with his dwarf slave and occasionally fights the devil. A cruise ship is a floating orgy interrupted only by announcements about the Lido Deck. Three hot chicks fight crime by displaying lots of cleavage. An astronaut will be partially dismembered and rebuilt and will use his new parts to beat up spies.

Oh, and Bigfoot will guest-star on at least three of those shows.

Superheroes were resurgent then, too. The 1966 Batman show was far enough in the rearview that Marvel attempted to make “serious” adaptations of its characters, like Captain America, Spider-Man, and the Hulk.

Even at the movies, where so much important, groundbreaking drama was going on, George Lucas built a world where a guy would discover he had magic powers and a laser-sword before blowing up a planet-sized space station. And DC and Warner Brothers finally made a big-screen, major motion picture version of Superman.

I loved all of that. Really. That’s what I loved most about seeing The Avengers on the big screen: the willingness to commit to a story that is certifiably insane. And that’s why I was so happy to get Marvel Firsts: the 1970s Vol.1 and Vol. 2 when they showed up in the mail.

The 70s were what I’ve always thought of as Marvel’s true Golden Age. and I was glad to see it wasn’t just nostalgia that led me to believe that. The books are a collection of some of Marvel Comics’ key issues from the time when the company threw caution to the wind and chased whatever trend it felt like on a month-to-month basis. Monsters were big for a week? OK, let’s do a monster comic. Kung-fu movies are playing at the revival theaters? Super, let’s make a kung-fu hero. Or two or three. Marvel did superhero, horror, romance, kung-fu, jungle action, and sometimes mashed them all together. It turned a one-off threat from Fantastic Four into a Christ allegory. It made a duck run for president. It had Dracula fight Doctor Strange and the Silver Surfer. It created the world’s first — and, as far as I know, only — voodoo-powered super-hero.

The issues don’t always hold up — it’s mostly the attempts to be topical or relevant, as when Greer Nelson has a feminist awakening before she becomes a cat-powered super-hero — but even the most ham-fisted political statements come off no worse than bad Silver Age exposition. And most of the time, the sheer lunatic joy of the concepts barrels past any mere logical objections. For instance, in Ghost Rider, you might ask: Why does Satan have a motorcycle-riding daredevil collecting souls? And the answer is: Holy crap, that guy’s skull is on fire.

Even though comics have increased in price roughly 1500 percent since the 70s, we haven’t seen a corresponding increase in creativity or, sadly, flaming skulls. That’s probably the only thing I really miss about the 70s: the sense of possibility. This isn’t entirely the fault of the creators or the companies. The market has narrowed and the corporate bosses are more demanding. If something isn’t a guaranteed hit, it’s difficult to justify the expense of getting it in front of an audience. The Internet also makes it possible for any trend to be sucked dry in a matter of days, so that comics can’t mine the zeitgeist the way they used to. And judging by the sales numbers, many fans are in the grip of a different kind of nostalgia than mine: they want newer versions of the same stories with the same characters. So I understand the obstacles.

That said, my favorite book on the stands now is about a guy who gets psychic impressions from the things he eats, and I’d love to see that more of that sense of what-the-hell hit comics again. I’ve got money still unspent when I leave the comic book store these days, and I never thought that would happen in my lifetime.

Thank God Marvel Firsts: The 1970s Vol. 3 is going to be out soon. It’s got dinosaurs.

I imagine Joss Whedon is going to have a hard time picking up his comics at the local shop because of all the unsolicited hugs he’ll receive from the geek community. He pulled it off. He made a full-blown, unapologetic superhero movie. And he had the top opening weekend of any film, ever.

That means he’ll probably just send one of his Fembot Bodyguards to collect his comics while he stays home and counts his garbage bags full of money (and woe unto you if you try an unsolicited hug on one of those, fanboys). But still. He’s earned it.

There are many, many geeks out there giving their thoughts on the movie. I figured I’d join in. If you’re one of the last dozen people in the world who has not seen it, well, go to the multiplex. Everyone else, spoilers ahead.

First things first: I understand the objections, aesthetic and moral, to throwing more money at Marvel and Disney. I don’t agree with them, obviously, but that’s a debate for another post.

And I’m not going to engage in one of my favorite sports, complaining about the stuff they got wrong.* That is a luxury for younger fans, who didn’t grow up with this version of Captain America:

As far as I’m concerned, this is about as faithful an adaptation as we’re going to get of a story that includes a Norse God, a man wearing robot armor, and an unfrozen super-soldier who punched Hitler in the face, who all get together to fight crime. And I’m okay with that.

This is just going to be about what I liked.

And there was a lot of it. There was an amazing amount of material to cram into the movie, and as a friend of mine said, it’s impressive first of all as a feat of engineering. Just dividing up the lines and character moments around probably required a spreadsheet and a protractor. But none of it feels mechanical. It’s a testament to the director and the strengths of the actors that they’re able to nail what’s essential about each character in a very short amount of time.

Whedon’s one-liners — always funny and great — also reveal something each time they’re used. Cap, a man out of time: “It appears to run on some sort of electricity.” Thor, trying hard to tamp down his native arrogance: “He’s adopted.” Iron Man, the smartest guy in any room: “Actually, I’m planning to threaten you.”

The Hulk became a strong presence in the movie, despite relatively little screen time and maybe two lines. I think it was a very smart move to have him stay as Banner most of the time. Having the Hulk is like John Belushi in Animal House: you only unleash him when you want to wreck the joint, and too much of him would burn out the audience.

But the real breakout star was Black Widow. Because she was often relegated to the interstitial moments — the bits of plot bridging the big set pieces — Scarlett Johansson got a lot of key scenes. (She brought in the Hulk; outwitted Loki; fought aliens on the ground; shut down the Tesseract. You could argue she’s the biggest hero in the whole thing.) It’s the first time I’ve ever really cared about a character that’s more or less a cipher in the actual comics, and I think that’s another testament to the choices of the actor and the directors.

Best of all, however, was the fact that this was nothing but a super-hero story. There was humor and action and drama, but zero camp. Nobody was winking at the audience, or playing it for half-measures, as if to say, “I am above this source material.” The best way I can describe it is Cesar Romero’s mustache. In the 1966 Batman TV series, Romero played the Joker but refused to shave his signature mustache. Because, after all, it’s just a send-up of a crappy kid’s comic, right? Who really cares?

Nobody in The Avengers treated their job like that. They took it as seriously as the material allows, and I think the response — $744 million opening weekend worldwide — shows that you get an equally serious return on investment.

From a storytelling perspective, it got exactly right what was great and revolutionary about Marvel Comics when they first appeared on the stands in the 60s. The books presented a world where heroes’ victories were not certain, where they came at a cost, and not everything was wrapped up neatly by the final panel. Moving their heroes slightly (and only slightly) into the real world enabled Lee and Kirby and Ditko to reintroduce the elements of actual drama into the stories.

The movie captured that sense perfectly. Even though we all go into a comic book or a superhero movie knowing the good guys are going to win, it’s that uncertainty that makes it interesting. We need to know how the good guys will overcome their obstacles, and we need to see them bleed a little on the way. Otherwise, we don’t have the cathartic release at the end, because the victory that’s never in doubt doesn’t really cost anything.

This is why Marvel has always been able to make its heroes more accessible than DC’s. DC’s heroes fly above us, and only touch the earth when they need to solve problems. (Even Batman, their pantheon’s “realistic” hero is a billionaire genius martial arts expert detective inventor. Who swoops down from above to stomp on crime.) They are not just heroes, they are gods, and they look somewhat ridiculous when we try to whittle them down to our size.

Marvel heroes are ground-level heroes.  They have been earthbound from the start. Even the perspectives in the art have been different. Marvel’s artists have always emphasized the use of forced perspective (a big part of the Kirby style) when illustrating its heroes as they travel above the rooftops. There is always a reminder, in the form of a building or an onlooker or a bridge that the world is still there. Whereas DC’s heroes often glide effortlessly against the empty blue or black of the air.

Superman flies like he’s going for a stroll. He’s born to the sky. When Spider-Man or Daredevil or even Iron Man soar above the skyline of New York, it’s a triumph over gravity. There’s always a sense of height, of ascension, with the concomitant truth just beneath every panel: the world is always waiting to tug them back down. Marvel’s heroes have to fight for every inch, and they are well aware of all that nothing between them and the ground.

Take a look at how the Avengers fight, even in their cosmic wars. It’s man-to-man, street-level combat. The Avengers won the Kree-Skull War by going behind enemy lines; they took out the two biggest and most powerful empires in the galaxy with a handful of people. The Fantastic Four travel through interstellar space and parallel dimensions, but they do it like a family on a long roadtrip, with lots of bickering.

(Digression here: this is one reason Marvel has always failed to cram a Superman-like figure into its own mythology. Yes, I’m looking at you, Sentry. But it also sometimes applies to Thor, Hyperion, and even Captain Marvel after he was revamped by Starlin. That kind of power in tights and cape is just too big. It throws off the usual balance, and violates many of the unwritten rules of the Marvel Universe. Ultron, the Mole Man, and Fin Fang Foom are all less threatening if someone can just throw them into the sun.)

The movie, for me, was summed up beautifully by that final end credits scene of the Avengers in a falafel shop. They were exhausted, hungry, and empty-eyed. They’d won. But they were tired. And after all that fighting, they just wanted to sit down together and get something to eat.

I left the theater grinning ear-to-ear.

Oh, and one more thing: Thanos.

He was the villain in my favorite Avengers story ever, so yeah, I’m pretty psyched for the sequel.

*Well, mostly. I am never a huge fan of any plot that hinges on mind control. And comics have a long and rich history of beating that particular horse to death. But in context, I think it gave Hawkeye a smart role to play as an antagonist that was true to the character in both the comics and as he’s portrayed in the movies  – and made it clear just how dangerous even the least powerful of the Avengers could be on the wrong side.

Vineland remains my favorite of his novels.

Despite the best efforts of a mutant virus and Alaska Airlines, I have returned home. For those of you not following the updates on Twitter, I was forced to cancel my book tour halfway through due to my intestines leaping up and trying to throttle my brain to death. Or at least, that’s what it felt like. In my adult life, I have walked off car accidents, pneumonia, and alcohol poisoning. If I could have done the same this time, I would have. But this was as sick as I have ever been.

So I want to apologize to everyone who came out and found a CANCELLED sign where they should have seen my smiling face. And I want to apologize to the great people at Tattered Cover, Barnes & Noble Boise, Third Place Books, and Mysterious Galaxy San Diego. I hope there’s some way I can make it up to you in the future.

For those people I did get to see at Mysterious Galaxy Redondo Beach, Murder By The Book, Borderlands, Poisoned Pen, and Powell’s, thank you again for coming out and for making the events so great. I enjoyed myself, and I hope everyone likes their hats.

Now, to answer the mail that’s been piling up on the virtual doorstep while I’ve been traveling, retching and recovering.

First, the Audible.com/iTunes edition of RED, WHITE, AND BLOOD. I’ve heard from a lot of people that they’d love to buy the audio version of the book, but they can’t find it. I’ve asked the publisher about this. Apparently, there was a glitch in the file sent to Audible.com, but the actual disks have been sent over now, and the audio version should be up in a week or so. My apologies for the delay.

And yes, this one will be narrated again by my pal, the inimitable Bronson Pinchot, who has gone viral in his own way. He’s now the subject of his own video game, as well as the star of his reality series on DIY. You should really check both of those things out.

Next, the hats. I’ve gotten everyone’s photos and addresses, and I’m working on getting them in the mail. They should go out in a week or so as well. I’ll make an announcement once they’re off. Thanks for all the great pics.

News coverage: here’s an interview in the Phoenix New Times, coverage in the Houston Press, and new reviews from Lit Fest Magazine and Bookgasm.

And finally, thanks. Thanks to everyone who’s bought the book and recommended it. It’s been a great first week of sales, and I am truly lucky to have so many great readers. I’m even luckier that there are more of you every day.

Stay bloodthirsty,

CDF

People have been wishing me “Happy Release Day” all morning. Although that might sound like a special form of massage or what you hear when you get out of prison, it actually means that today is the day you can buy RED, WHITE, AND BLOOD at your friendly neighborhood bookseller.

So if you’ve been coming to this blog and somehow missed my relentless self-promotion, here’s a little more.

• My old paper, Boise Weekly, has a very flattering profile by Josh Gross, that answers some questions about Cade and the twisted pathways in what I laughingly refer to as my writing process.
• Carol Thomas at the Examiner has a great review of the book, if you need more convincing to read it.

Once more, here’s a stalker-friendly list of places I’ll be signing the book.

And remember, snap a pic of yourself with the book (or the screen of your e-reader) and you can get a free hat. Details here.

And thank you all, once again, for supporting and reading my weird books. I really do appreciate it.

• Stefan Blitz at the indispensable site Forces of Geek was kind enough to interview me about the new book and Cade’s whole twisted history. Check it out here. And thanks, Stefan.
• Great reviews for the book from Jenn at Jenn’s Bookshelves and Caleb at Luxury Reading. Many thanks to them both.
• My first “Parents’ Brains” postcard arrived. Love it. Remember, if you want a free CADE 2012 baseball cap, details are here.

This is the big week. RED, WHITE, AND BLOOD hits stands on THURSDAY, APRIL 26, and I’m going to be stalking bookstores all over the nation to sign copies and harass passers-by. If, somehow, you’ve missed any of my self-promotion so far, this is your chance to catch up.

First, you can read the first chapter of RED, WHITE, AND BLOOD right here. Or check out this deleted scene from the book.

You can read the review from Publishers Weekly:

High-octane supernatural thriller… Farnsworth keeps the twists and explosive violence coming, keeping readers in suspense until the very last page.

Or you can take the word of the Vampire Queen herself, Charlaine Harris:

Farnsworth’s strongest book yet in the Nathaniel Cade series… I’m envious. Cade continues to be one of modern literature’s most frightening vampires, and this is an excellent read.

Want to know more about the campaign trail and the bloody murders leading up to RED, WHITE, AND BLOOD? Check out this detailed map of all the vampire mayhem.

Find out even more at this interview from The Sirens of Suspense, where I discuss politics, blood-drinking abominations, and cats.

Looking for a place to buy the book? We’ve got you covered.

And if you do buy the book, you can  get a free CADE 2012 hat by entering the RED, WHITE, AND BLOOD giveaway. Details and rules right here.

Now this is what I’m talking about for the RED, WHITE, AND BLOOD giveaway. Take a pic of yourself with the book when it comes out next week, and you get one of the sporty CADE 2012 hats that the indomitable Meaghan Wagner of Putnam is modeling. (Many thanks, Meaghan.)

Once again, here are the rules:

• TAKE A PICTURE of yourself with a copy of RED, WHITE, AND BLOOD after it hits bookstores April 26, and send it to me via my Facebook page, my Twitter account, or email me direct at chris-at-chrisfarnsworth-dot-com.  Creativity always appreciated. If you’re camera-shy, just take a pic of the book itself.
• Include your address with the photo in the email, or message me on Facebook or Twitter with it after you post the photo.
• If that’s too much work, then show up at one of my events, and you can get this headgear from me in person.
• Alternatively, if you do not want to purchase the book — you’d be missing out, but that’s cool — write the words “PARENTS’ BRAINS” on a postcard with your address and send it to me at:

Now, the fine print:

1. SUPPLIES ARE LIMITED. YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOSE.
2. ALL PHOTOS, POSTCARDS, AND REQUESTS FOR HATS MUST BE RECEIVED BY THE END OF MY BOOK TOUR: SATURDAY, MAY 5, 2012.
3. THE ONLY EXCEPTION TO THE ABOVE RULE: READERS IN THE UK AND AUSTRALIA HAVE UNTIL MAY 15.
4. ONE HAT PER PERSON.
5. RULES ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE WITHOUT NOTICE.